A child is not a vase to be
filled, but a fire to be lit.
Every human being=
has
hidden within her the essence of her being, the reason why she is on this
earth. She also has the ability to discover this hidden truth, and discover=
ing
this, to determine the course her life will take. The fire has to be lit, a=
nd
tended to. The rest will follow.
However, the normal trend followed today is one of f= illing a child – with dos and don’ts, - values and morals - with all kinds of end= less information about the world – its geography, history – but rarely teaching = him how to live life to the fullest, making the most of his capabilities, stretching himself to the utmost towards perfection.
The incredible
numbers of choices available to people today, in all aspects of life –
education opportunities, career options, entertainment, sports, electronic
equipment, consumer goods, name it and there are so many different things to
choose from. While this is definitely a positive trend, it can have several
negative connotations as well. This is so especially for young people and
children who can get confused by all the choices and possibilities. Unable =
at
times, to understand their real needs, they want everything, and often end =
up
feeling that they have nothing ! &nbs=
p;
When I look back at my own experiences of parenting,
mostly by instinct, I realise that while I have enabled and guided my children in their phy=
sical
and emotional growth, I have for the most part abdicated the responsibility=
of
their mental development more or less to their teachers. And have done noth=
ing
to encourage their psychic or spiritual growth.
Recently, coping with adverse circumstances in my ow=
n life,
I have realised the power of my spiritual or psychic being, which has given=
me
the strength to cope and to strive for a better, more meaningful life. This has been the motivating facto=
r, in wishing
for my children, insights into their psychic being, and drawing strength fr=
om
it. This discovery will, I feel enable them to also progress in all aspects=
–
physical, mental, emotional – being like the guiding spirit behind al
their actions.
The next few paragraphs will attempt to explore some= ways that can be made available to children and young people, so that they can understand their real selves, their needs and their potential. This will be necessary if they are to make the best use of these opportunities available= , as tools for all round development - physical, mental, emotional and spiritual= .
The first necessary condition for enabling a child t= o find this path towards an inner truth would be to believe in it oneself. For unless, = as a parent and as a teacher, one does not believe in and follow one’s inn= er voice, one’s inner truth, one cannot help a child discover this truth= for herself.
A second equally important condition would be to have faith. Faith in the Divine, who is within all of us, and who guides us along the way. This would mean having faith in the child’s capacity to find= the truth within, and to follow the path he chooses.
The next step would be the how of it. How does enabl=
e a
child to listen to his inner voice, his inner truth ?
Going back to experiences, it is quite amazing how m= uch children function on the basis of their instincts. Take the example of food= . So often mothers try to forcefully feed their children, often trying many distracting tactics, just to shove food down a child’s throat. And in most cases this has an adverse effect on the child. This pure consciousness that a chi= ld has in instinctively knowing what its body needs, is not only physical, but is = also expressed in other ways. For example when a little child observes and looks= at you, wide eyed, it is almost as if she is looking right through you, seeing behind the external appearances ! Other qualities, so special in children, like trust, wonder, fearlessness, are also spontaneous.
However, once the process of “schooling”, starts, children usually lose this directness and spontaneity. Almost all education concentrates on the physical, mental, and emotional development of children, with the aim of finding our place to “fit” in the exi= sting world, as painlessly as possible. This often means compromises, untruths, adjustments, which may often result in destroying the core of people. Education which should help us fin= d our purpose in life, to chart out our own path in life, is in most cases denied= to children.
“ The= first thing to do in order to educate a child is to educate oneself, to become conscious and master of oneself so that one never sets a bad example to one= ’s child. “[i]<= o:p>
This of course is easier said than done! Let me share some experiences from= the past three weeks, since we st= arted this study programme. The aim that I have articulated for myself is: To play a nurturing role so th= at my children not only learn how to cope with growing up – the challenges = and the difficulties, but also enable them to discover their purpose in life and take steps to fulfill this purpose. Towards this aim I had planned to work = on different aspects of a child’s growth every month. This last month I tried to focus on respect, for oneself, others, and especially for one̵= 7;s belongings.
Very early on in this process I realised the reason = I had chosen this subconsciously was the fact that I wanted to work on this mysel= f. Especially the part about one’s belongings – to be tidy and org= anised ! So I started by keeping thi= ngs away in their proper place, and feeling good about it. The problem arose wh= en I expected the children to follow suit immediately ! There were some tensions= , till I realised that this was a goal I had set, not the children, and therefore I should not expect them to follow my example immediately. I have realised th= at it will require a lot of patienc= e, and a lot of effort on this seemingly simple physical act. And most important, I will have to= keep working on it myself, with sincerity, and not merely because I want the children to learn from me.
It will mean working on all aspects of my being. Fir=
st of
all to become conscious of myself and my thoughts, feelings, words and ac=
tions
at all times. To work on getting rid of all the negatives – whether i=
t is
negative emotions, thoughts, actions that come in the way of achieving my a=
ims
and goals. Another step in this process will involve the disciplining of the
mind, of the emotions and of the body. The most important and essential par=
t of
the process, will be to be in touch with one’s inner most self, and to
seek again and again from this self the truth of one’s existence.
It will be =
a true challenge
: this process of educating myself and my children, because they will be
mirrors in a way – showing me all the time, where I need to change or=
to
try harder.
Sumita Ghose