Course: Foun= dation Course For Facilitators

Student: Pun= eeta Singh

Word Count: 14,920 words

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ReflectionsR= 30;…………………………&#= 8230;…………………………= . Introduction= 230;…………………….….…= ;…………………………	1 2
Motherhood R= 11; The Key To My Transformation……………………= 230;..	4
Tapasya Of Love, Beauty And Knowledge And Integral Link To The Practice Of The Tapasya Of Power………………………̷= 0;………...	9
Tapasya Of Power………………………̷= 0;……………………….	21
Conclusion…………= 230;…………………………&= #8230;………………	29
Appendix 1
Transformation Of The Vital: Something to Reflect On…………….….<= /b> Appendix 2 Effect Of Mothers Force………………………̷= 0;………………… Appendix 3 A Dream………………………̷= 0;…………………………= 230;…. Appendix 4 A Facilitation On Anger………………………̷= 0;…………………. Appendix 5 Ego……………= 230;…………………………&= #8230;……………….….=	i iii iv v xii

Reflections

Why do we take birth

If only to die?

Why do we take birth

If only to suffer?

Infancy, childhood, adulthood and old age

We all go through

Only to go back from where we came.<= /p>

So I ask myself

Why are we here?

Are we here to lead an ordinary life=

Of jealousy, greed, anger, impatience

Of suffering and illness?

Where are we going?

What = should be the aim?

Plunging into a deep silence

A warm loving feeling

Embraces the being.

Something is awakened in the depths.=

I know why I am here

Says the inner voice.

I am on journey that seeks

An integral transformation.

To make certain the conquest

Of spirit over matter.

To live each moment of this life

With the psychic as the only guide.<= /p>
To soar higher and higher

For the integral transformation.

Puneeta Singh

1

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

Introduction

There has been this innat= e need in me to progress on the path of the ‘Integral Yoga’ and march towards the perfection that The Mother and Sri Aurobindo so envisaged.

At the onset of this foun= dation course, I knew that the next few months would mark a significant journey in= my life, towards the ideal of self-perfection that I had set for my self. As t= he course progressed, I realised that there was so much in me that I needed to change before I could embark on the inner journey. I knew that I was not re= ady to go deep within and experience the life that was deep inside me. This was thus the beginning of a period of preparation for me.

The circumstances of my l= ife were so arranged by the Mother that I started to think about what was it in my nature that needed to be transformed. I observed that there was a part of my being that was not in harmony & control. There were periods and moments= in my life when it completely took over me and I thought, said and did what was completely against the truth of my being. These moments thus left me with a deep sense of guilt. I felt that I lacked a sense of discipline and control= over my own being

Yet there was this deep aspiration in me, to lead my life with my psychic being as my true guide. B= ut in moments of disturbance, the psychic being seemed very distant and alien = to me. I was unable to connect with my inner being and thus often acted on impulse. I told myself, “this is not me, this is not what I want to b= e, this is not the example I want to set for my children!” “I aspire to become an ideal instrument of the Mother. I have to sincerely work on changing myself.̶= 1;

Just when such realisatio= ns came to me, everything seemed to go bizarre. The circumstances changed around me= , as though a test put up by the Divine. The negative feelings and forces reached their peak. There were heightened feelings of anger and impatience, of want= ing to control people, especially my son. I was reactive in my thoughts, emotions, words and actions. This left me feeling frustrated, exhausted and helpless. There were other negative impulses too that I observed in my self which were those of jealousy, fear, greed (a weakness for food) etc.

This period left me silen= t. My physical being responded through illness. The doctor told me there were nod= ules in my throat and thus I have to avoid excessive talking at all costs. This = was Mother’s way of making me observe silence and practice the austeri= ty of speech[1]<= /i> to embark on a journey of transformation.

The question that arose i= n my mind was which part of my being needed this radical change. Soon, I realised that it was the Vital being in me that had taken off on the negative tangen= t. I had to bring it back on course.

I also understood that as= far as my own son was concerned, I was experiencing a clash of my vital against hi= s. He was just a child and I needed to make the difference and set an example before him. Each soul is independent and free to choose his own path in the journey of life. The Mother had put before me this great responsibility of bringing up Her children. They did not belong to me. My duty lay in becoming their guide and not a taskmaster. Last but not the least I had to strive sincerely to become what I expected others to be. Thus started my journey to the transformation of my vital being.

2

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

As I sta= rted reading the different works of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo and reflected on them, I realised that I had felt my vital being controlling me so much, particularly in the case of my son, only because I interacted with him the maximum and thus felt the need to discipline and control him. This was the biggest mistake I made in thinking so. I have been in the process of changi= ng myself for so long now and still have not been able to overcome the difficulties in my nature. Undertaking the transformation of ones nature wa= s a Herculean task, so how did I expect my son to do it overnight.

Just as = I had started a process of facilitation in my self towards the goal of self-perfection, he would have to do the same for himself. I cannot do it f= or him. I observed that when I w= as calm and composed and in touch with my inner self, it stimulated a similar movement in him too. We were thus able to communicate at a better level. However, the greatest challenge I faced and am still facing was to maintain this inner state of peace and calm and speak and act from an inner poise at= all times.

I began = to observe my vital impulses towards others that I interacted with and knew th= at I had to widen my consciousness to bring about a real change in myself. I asp= ired to become a true instrument of the Mother and carry out Her work the way she wanted me to.

I know t= he road ahead for me is rough, filled with obstacles and hurdles that I need to overcome with a very strong will, sincerity, patience and perseverance. Last but not the least a complete and integral surrender of such an endeavor at = the Mother’s feet.

Through such an endeavor,= I sincerely hope and aspire to make my psychic being the true initiator of al= l my thoughts, will and actions so that I may learn to live from within, from the truth of my being.

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The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

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Motherhood - The Key To My Transformation

Over the past few months, I realise= d that my children have been the key facilitators to my transformation and thus I write about my journey to motherhood. The imbedded desire in me to be a mot= her, the Mother so wills me to be, to her divine children, constantly drives me = to change myself and become an instrument of the Mother.

I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovaries eight years ago and at that point in time my doctor had told me that it mig= ht be difficult for me to conceive in the future. My husband knew of this even when we got married and always said “we will accept whatever God wills for us.”

After two years of our marriage my doctor informed me that my problem had worsened and that it was now time to try fo= r a child or else it may never happen. Therefore I underwent treatment. My husb= and and I were both mentally prepared and did not expect anything. I surrendere= d to the Mother and prayed that Her will may prevail and we would accept whatever She decides for us. In the second month of my treatment I conceived. That w= as the beginning of a new journey in my life. I had, at that point in time, not read much of the works of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo but had heard on sev= eral occasions from nanaji (Sardar Amar Singh, 98yrs, a sadhak) of the vision of= Sri Aurobindo of the Supramental being. Not even understanding the depth of wha= t it meant, I aspired for Sri Aurobindo’s supramental child to be born. I = felt a deep connection with the Mother all along and throughout my maternity per= iod I initiated reading the works of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. My due date = was the 21^st of February. I wrote to Sushilaben a senior sadhak at t= he ashram at Pondicherry and she asked me to aspire for the child to be born on the 21^st = of Feb, the day being the Mother’s birthday.

Vihan was born on the 12^th of February at 2.28 p.m. At first I felt disappointed that he was not born on = the 21^st. Even though I had tried to aspire for Vihan to be born on = the 21^st without any expectation, there had been some imperfection i= n my nature and thus the desire and expectation had been present all along which having not been met, the vital being threw up a revolt in the form of depression. I again wrote to Sushilaben and she made me realise my mistake = in thinking so and helped me back on the path. She also told me that according= to the Mother, No.12 stands for ‘perfection’ and the time of birth being 2.28 again makes it twelve. It was thus a perfect time and date.=

When Vihan was 40 days old, I wrote to Taradi and asked her if I could bring Vihan for darshan at the ashram and she read= ily agreed. She had a little ceremony for him at the ashram at Delhi with Karunamayee singing soul rendering bhajans invoking the presence of the Mother. At the end of the ceremony I discovered to my amazement that the anniversary of the Delhi ashram too was on the 12^th of February, the same day as Vihan’s birthday.

I was extremely grateful to the Mother for bestowing her blessings. I also felt a sense of guilt for having had expectations and demands from the Mother. However, it somehow now seemed to= me the beginning of a great responsibility that the Mother was putting on my shoulders to bring up Her children.

We went to Pondicherry, for the first time, when Vihan was one and a half years old. Vihan went aro= und the samadhi and was particularly fascinated by it. It was amazing to see hi= m so quite and calm which is quite unlike him.

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The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

Vihan is an extremely restless, energetic and fearless child. He however seems to be very mature at times and is very reflective by nature. Owing to his fearless nature he got injured on several occasions. He also underwent two surgeries. One for a broken finger and the other for enlarged adenoids and grommets in the ears.

Over the past few months particularly, he has been involved with the question of death and seemed quite disturbed about i= t. He would often ask me questions like, “Does everyone die?” “Why do plants die?” “Will champ (our dog) also die?̶= 1; “Where will I go when I die”, “Will I be born again?̶= 1;

At other times, he asks me, “ Where is= the Mother, I don’t see Her?” “How will she help and protect = me when I need Her?”

Yet I see this closeness between him and the Mother. He sits besides the Mother’s picture at times and quietly plays. He would bring a flower = and place it before the Mother’s picture in my prayer room.

However, I at times faced a lot of difficulty trying to discipline him. That was also probably because I lacked self-discipline myself and was yet trying to impose it on him. This was a mistake I was making. Vihan is short tempered and impatient and gets aggres= sive at times. With a very strong mind of his own, it is very difficult to get through him at times. On one hand, he always thinks that he is some superhe= ro who would fight all evil and yet on the other hand he often tends to bully = and get aggressive with his playmates. I have thus had several outbursts of ang= er with him. These outbursts however never helped the situation and only worse= ned it. It was me, who could not control myself and yet I was expecting him to = do so. It seems to me that all my negative qualities got highlighted in trying= to bring him up. I often sat down and read the works of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo on education and at the end of it realized that there was so much= in me that I needed to change, in order to make any significant difference in = the life of Vihan. It was extremely difficult for me to set an example because I too had so many imperfections in my nature. I sought the Mother’s help and constantly aspired to become a true mother to Vihan. Thus dealing with Vihan has also been like dealing with my own imperfections. It has been a c= lash of his vital being against mine and a clash of our ego’s. The greatest obstacle that I faced was to remain calm and peaceful under all circumstanc= es. It is often as though Vihan watches me closely to see how I would act and r= eact in different situations. I always thought myself to be quite patient but no= w I realised how wrong I was in thinking thus. I got angry and spoke angrily so often. My heart cried telling me that this outburst is in no way going to h= elp Vihan and in fact it is bound to only have a negative effect on him. Yet the impulse of the lower vital being was so strong on me that at times that I j= ust got swayed. How I sincerely wish that I were totally rid of this anger, irritability and impatience.

Thus, when I reflect, I understand that by giving me Vihan, Mother has also set a platform for me to carry out my own sadhana and to constantly learn and move forward on the path to self-perfection.

I wrote out the following poem when= I reflected one day on Vihan. This was my first attempt at writing poetry.

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The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

Garden of Light

I saw a bud in a garde= n

Looking up to the ligh= t.

It aspired for more an= d more light

It aspired for more an= d more love

It aspired for more an= d more knowledge,

To bloom so magnificen= tly

In the light of the Lo= rd.

<= /p>
I saw the face of my s= on in that bud

Wanting to blossom lik= e the bud.

I did not want to inte= rvene.

Then I saw the face of= Sri Aurobindo

Indicating with love

“vihan is my child”,

He conveyed to me,

In the silence of my b= eing.

Do not impose your tho= ughts,

Do not impose value sy= stems,

Do not try to rule him=

He is an independent s= oul

And he belongs to me.<= o:p>

<= /p>
Then arose this ardent= prayer in my heart.

Make me dear Mother

The mother you want me= to be

To your Divine childre= n

So that I may not

Make impure your child= ren

Through the weakness a= nd imperfections

Of my being.

<= /p>
Make me dear Mother

A true sadhika

With an unfailing aspi= ration

Soaring higher and hig= her

Towards thy Golden bea= m of light

<= /p>
Make me Divine Mother<= o:p>

The true channel,=

Thy instrument that

Radiates

Thy love

Thy peace <= /i>

Thy light.<= /i>

Make me Divine Mother =

Thy ideal Child

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The Initiation Of A Journey Towards An Integral Transformation

Birth Of Ahana

When Vihan turned three, I started grappling with the question of whether Vihan needs a sibling or not= ? I had been wanting to join L’avenir (a play school for children at the Gnostic Centre) as a teacher and was all set to join once Vihan left L’avenir at the age of four. I also knew that having another child wo= uld mean curbing my desire to work at the school for some more time. This was an extremely selfish thought on my part so I started debating on the question = of whether to have another child or not. I prayed to the Mother to help me know what my course of action should be. I failed to remember that I had a medic= al problem to deal with too. I spoke to many to understand the importance of a sibling and even with a few sadhaks. I was guided by them to find the answe= r for myself from my inner being.

Aft= er several months, my husband and I decided that a sibling might be important = for Vihan’s growth as well. I thus went back to my doctor aware of my pro= blem of polycystic ovaries. On examination, my doctor told me that this time it seems much more difficult, but since the treatment had worked for me last t= ime, we could thus take the same course of action this time too. I thus started = on the treatment. However, this time it did not work. My doctor gave up hope.<= o:p>

Alo= ngside The Gnostic centre offered this course of “Foundation Course For Facilitators” and I felt deeply attracted to it. I felt this may be an opportunity for me to make significant progress in my sadhana and thus I enrolled for it.

Aft= er several months of treatment, I gave up. My doctor told me that since I alre= ady had a child, it did not matter that I was unable to have the second one and that I should not feel upset about it. I accepted it as the Mother’s = will since deep in my heart I had aspired for Her will to prevail. I did not feel disappointed too because I believed that this is the way the Mother wants i= t to be. My husband too believed t= hat this was the Divine’s will and the way it was meant to be. He would t= ell me that we should be grateful to God for having blessed us with one child at least.

A f= ew months later, I discovered to everyone’s amazement that I was expecti= ng. I called up my doctor to inform her. She was silent for a moment and then exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”

            I wondered, “Would I still be able to do the course at the Gnostic Cent= re for which I had been anxiously waiting?” For me, this was a beautiful opportunity to progress on the path of Integral Yoga with the Mother’s child in my womb. I prayed to the Mother and wrote to Ameetadi about my sit= uation. She was extremely warm and understanding and offered me the opportunity to undertake a new journey.

Thu= s my maternity period was truly amazing because of the different works of the Mo= ther And Sri Aurobindo I was experiencing and understanding at a different level= . I felt the baby participating in the meditations we did at the centre too. Th= is experience was heightened when as I suddenly got a call from within, to vis= it Pondicherry. My h= usband and I visited the ashram when I was 5 months into my pregnancy. Sitting and meditating near the Samadhi was a different experience now. I was also able= to have darshan of Sri Aurobindo’s room and meditate there too. I had be= en unable to do so in my previous visit. With the Mother’s grace we were= also able to spend time with Amal Kiran uncle. I shared the most beautiful moment with Sushilaben aunty in her room and she showered me with her words of wis= dom and gifted me with a beautiful dress with the Mother’symbol on it, wh= ich she had brought after blessings from Sri Aurobindo’s room. She told me that this I must make the baby

7

wear, when he or she is born. This trip was as if planned by the baby for herself before she took birth.<= o:p>

All through my pregnancy I had felt this strong link with Sri Aurobindo. Normal= ly, when I think of the Divine, it is the Mother’s face that comes to me = but all through my pregnancy, I saw flashes of Sri Aurobindo. I know that Mother and Sri Aurobindo are essentially one and the same but it was amazing to no= tice this link, particularly because when Vihan was in my womb, it was always the Mother I thought of.

On = return from Pondicherry, my heart was just as though reaching out to the Mother in gratitude for all= the grace she had bestowed on us.

            The baby was born on the 5^th of January, 2006. The moment I saw her = in the operation theatre, my heart filled with a deep psychic love, one I cann= ot describe in words.

The= n came the time to decide a name for the child, I wanted to get her name from the ashram but did not express this desire to my husband. I silently aspired in= my heart for the Mother to decide a name for Her child. My husband found this = book of names by Maneka Gandhi and came across the name ‘Ahana’ and = took a liking to it. I too felt attracted to it and despite a little opposition = from family members, we named her ‘Ahana’. After a couple of days I discovered that ‘Ahana’ is the name of a poem written by Sri Aurobindo. I cannot express the deep sense of gratitude that I felt for the Mother.

            One month after my delivery, an ultrasound showed, that the cysts in my ovaries were not there any longer. It was very strange because, the cysts sometimes, though at times get subdued, they rarely disappear. My doctor too wondered.

            Ahana is a very peaceful, calm and observant baby, yet she has a very strong mind= of her own. She expresses herself quite uniquely.

I c= arried on with my course even after my delivery. My husband volunteered to take ca= re of her while I attended my sessions. Ameetadi gave all her support and allo= wed my husband, Vihan and Ahana to spend time in the resource room at the centre since Ahana would need me frequently. I felt extremely grateful to all the people at the centre for offering me their kind support.<= /p>
            At this juncture, it sometimes seems to me that the Mother wishes to prepare m= e to carry out Her great task of bringing up Her children. Thus, the past few mo= nths have marked a very significant period of preparation in my life. I often tr= y to reinforce the feeling in myself that Vihan and Ahana do not belong to me bu= t are independent souls. They are here to carry out the Mother’s work.=

            However, I have faced lots of challenges particularly in the past two years with Vih= an. I also know that bringing up Ahana would also involve challenges and difficulties at every stage. The foundation course has laid a foundation fo= r me to work on. I feel deeply, that the most crucial task before me is to work sincerely towards progressing each day, in the light of the Mother. I do not wish to change anyone or impose my thoughts but do aspire sincerely to be a positive influence on who ever I come across. I believe that if I work sincerely with tremendous patience and endurance in this direction, the Mot= her herself will take up my tasks and duties and one day, I may become her true instrument.   =

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The Initiation Of A Journey Towards An Integral Transformation

Tapasya of Love, Beauty And Knowledge And Integral Link To The Practice Of The Tapa= sya Of Power

Tapasya

Deep inside a call is heard, that says

“Freedom from entrapment of the vital, <= /o:p>

Towards Divine delight.

Freedom from the enslavement of the vital,

Towards Divine delight.”

An energy flows through my being

Trying to bring a change,

The vital shouts “Ah! not so soon!”

A wave comes and shakes the balance of my feet.

I am engulfed and fail to see beyond=

All that is left is a sense of unease.

A silent knock is heard in depths

The tender loving voice of the Mother

Speaks to me, “Don’t give up! Endure!&#= 8221;

“ I am with you”

Armed with patience & perseverance <= /i>

My being seeks to bring about a real change.

It seeks with the eyes of truth

And with deep love in the heart,

Feels the force of the Mother

Guiding the being towards a ‘tapasya’ <= o:p>

It needs to carry out

“The road is long

Filled with obstacles and opportunities,=

It is for you to recognise both!”<= /i>

Speaks a voice from within

=

The journey has begun!

Puneeta Singh

Before I joined the ‘Foundation course for facilitators’, there had been this urge = in me to transform myself and work towards the ideal of perfection so that I c= ould truly serve the Mother. I had been trying in my own way to do so. I read th= e

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The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

different works of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. I c= ame across the chapter on the four austerities and four liberations in the book, “The Mother, Vol 12”. Perhaps I did not understand the depth in= the words at that point in time. I was not conscious of the different parts of = my being too.

The foundation course under the guidance of Ameetadi= was truly an enriching experience for me. It marked the beginning of another journey, a journey of a much deeper significance. I understand now how important it is to lead a ‘conscious’ life, aware of our though= ts, words and actions and to know where we are operating from. Studying the different parts of the being, the mental, vital, physical and psychic aided this process. It also helped me to understand others that I interacted with= and my acceptance level greatly increased.

At first, I set out to st= udy Integral Education because I felt extremely passionate about it and wanted = to expose my children to such a system of education and also felt a deep desir= e to work as a teacher of Integral Education. As a sub-project, I therefore work= ed on “Alternate Structures Of Education At Schools In The Light Of Inte= gral Education”. It was a learning experience for me because all along, wh= at came out strongly to me was that I needed to become an example myself first= , of what the Mother has envisaged. I had to make the beginning of making a diff= erence. Thus, it was not children who were the starting point for facilitating a change, but me myself.

As I began to study, I ob= served, the different kinds of difficulties I faced in my daily life and how they w= ere linked in some way or the other to my nature and what the Mother was hinting at. To my mind, She was hinting at a change. Thus I truly thought, “W= hat was the key to my progress?” After several months I understood that t= he biggest obstacle for me was my vital being. Most of the negative qualities = in my nature came from the lower vital and were acting as obstacles in my sadhana= . If I could succeed in making some changes in myself, it could lead to a significant change.

I therefore decided to work for the transformation of my vital being and that would be the key to my progress. However I believe this key too would change as I move forward in my journey= of transformation. I, therefore sought to tame the vital in order to allow mys= elf to be guided at all times, by a higher truth. The truth seemed veiled to me because of the imperfections of my nature. I aspired to work towards such a perfection that would open the doors for the descent of the highest Truth a= nd Light and an ascent of my being towards it. This however, called for a rigo= rous ‘tapasya’ on my part.

My personal journey to the transformation of the vital ironically started with the study of the four austerities[2]. This time it was not a pure reading but it was as if the Mother was laying down = some guidelines for me to proceed, in my sadhana.

Over the past few weeks a= s I studied and reflected on the four austerities, it laid a framework for me to work on, for initiating a transformation. In the following passage, therefo= re, I seek to lay before you such a framework and my experience with it.

T= he Mother speaks of the four austerities which constitute a fourfold disciplin= e or tapasya as     &nb= sp;      10

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

§§§§
“The indispensable starting-point is a detailed and discerning observation of = the character to be transformed. In most cases, that itself is a difficult and often baffling task. But there is one fact that the old traditions knew a= nd which can serve as the clew in the labyrinth of inner discovery. It is th= at everyone possesses in a large measure, and the exceptional individual in = an increasing degree of precision, two opposite tendencies in the character, almost in equal proportions, which are like the light and the shadow of t= he same thing. Thus a man who has the capacity of being exceptionally genero= us suddenly finds rushing up in his nature an obstinate avarice; the courage= ous is somewhere a coward and the good suddenly have wicked impulses. Life se= ems to endow everyone, along with the possibility of expressing an ideal, with contrary elements expressing in a concrete manner the battle he has to wa= ge and the victory he has to win so that the realisation may be possible. In this way, all life is an education carried on more or less consciously, m= ore or less deliberately. In certain cases this education helps the movements expressing the light, in others the opposite movements i.e., those that express the shadow. If the circumstances and the environment are favorabl= e, the light will grow at the expense of the shadow; otherwise the contrary = will happen. Hence the individual’s character will crystallise according= to the caprice of nature and the determinism of a material and vital life, u= nless there is a luminous intervention of a higher element, a conscious will wh= ich will not let nature follow its whimsical procedure but replace it by a logical and clear-seeing discipline. This conscious will is what we mean = by the rational method of education.” [3]

However, a pre-requisite for me for the above was= the practice of maintaining a daily   ‘self- reflective journal’ that helped me to identify and observe the different movements in my being in terms of my thoughts, sp= eech and actions. I could, to some extent, trace them back to their origin and k= now if they cast a light or shadow in my being. I continued this practice every= day with the desire to change myself through a process of observing myself. At first it was interesting to see a link between the different circumstances = in my life and how they were there to help

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The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

me change the negativities in my nature. I began to observe the different movements to know which part of the being was leading= to it i.e. whether it was the mind or the

vital or the physical being or the psychic being. Th= is helped greatly to distinguish the false movements from the true movements. I began to meditate more on the heart center invoking the presence of the Mot= her. It was a wonderful experience at a level I had not experienced before.

In this feeling of closeness with t= he Mother I forgot to notice a change that was coming up in my attitude towards the practice of self-observation. I had the feeling that I had already made some progress where some of my vital difficulties were concerned, particula= rly in the case of anger and thus I became a little less conscious of myself. A kind of monotony set in. I had reached a point where the entire process had= become very mechanical and became more of a routine. The zest seemed lost and I al= so began to skip the practice of writing my diary on several occasions. I fail= ed to notice that this was the movement of dullness, dryness and revolt being thrown up by the vital, which I had set out to change in the first place. I felt a feeling of discouragement. There was a lot happening in my being but= I was not aware of it.

It was strange that, when= one day I spoke out loudly in an angry tone, I did not even realise that I had spok= en angrily. I did not feel the anger. I was totally clouded and did not even f= eel a sense of guilt or unease, which I had almost always felt in the past when such a negative movements of anger took place. It was only when my husband pointed out that I had been very angry and spoken loudly that I realised how unconscious I had been. I asked the Mother’ “ How is it Mother = that I did not even feel a sense of unease or guilt or even failed to notice this movement of anger?” I felt as though all my efforts to transforming myself had been futile. In a few days the Mother answered.

I understood that just wh= en I had thought that I had made some progress the vital forces decided to play their trick on me and attacked when I was totally unconscious and not in touch wi= th my psychic being. I was carried away in anger and failed to even take notice. The Mother made me re= alise that it was important to be conscious of staying conscious of all the movements occurring in oneself, at all times and not to be disturbed by failures but strengthen the will power and reject the defects persistently.= It was also important for me to understand that such a process of transformati= on takes a very long time since many of the negative qualities had now become habits. Therefore I needed to arm my self with tremendous patience and at e= very moment, surrender the effort of transformation at the feet of the Mother without any expectations.

Import= ant learning’s from the study of the austerities and its application in my life:

Tapasya Of Love: Austerity of feelings and emotions

What is human love? Why is it different from love= for the Divine? Is detachment the aim of the tapasya of love?
These are some of the questions that arose in my min= d.

12

“ It is a well-known fact that one grows into the likeness of what one love= s. Therefore if you want to be like the Divine, love Him alone. Only one who= has known the ecstasy of the exchange of love with the Divine can know how insipid and dull and feeble any other exchange is in comparison. And even= if the most austere discipline is required to arrive at this exchange, nothi= ng is too hard, too long or too severe in order to achieve it, for it surpas= ses all expression. ” [4]

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

On reflection on what I feel towards the Divine and = what I feel towards people in terms of love, I saw a clear distinction in my behaviour. However, I realised that when we love someone, we love those qualities that are a reflection of the Divine in him or her. For example, w= hen I think about what is it that I love about my husband, the following qualit= ies come to my mind: he is simple, caring, understanding, receptive to others views, optimistic, compassionate and never speaks ill of anyone. I also feel connected with him at an inner level. He does read scriptures or the writin= gs of the Mother, yet he is constantly aspiring to learn more and more and progress in life. Some of the attitudes that I wish to develop in myself, I have observed those very qualities in him.= When I think of my children, what is it that I love about them? One = is that they seem connected to me at a deeper inner level. They have a complete faith in me and thus surrender to me. They possess the qualities of simplic= ity, honesty, fearlessness, unconditional love, sincerity and reflect a deep psy= chic love in their eyes. On reflection one would think, “Aren’t these all; qualities of the Divine?” There are many others I can recall in = my life and what qualities I like about them. All the qualities that come to my mind are a reflection of a spark of divinity in that person.

But, at the end of the day, it is the love for the D= ivine that is permanent in nature and not human love. To me it seems we are all individual souls on our independent paths to progress. Therefore there is a requirement to accept each individual at whatever stage of progress he is in.

However, it is simpler fo= r me merely to state such a fact but very difficult to apply it in real life. Be= ing in a family life, I have attachments. Attachment to my husband, children, parents and my pet too. I realise that I also have certain expectations from each of them in terms of what should be their behaviour towards me and thus follow a selfish relationship of give and take. It is such an expectation t= hat is the cause of misery and trouble. We cannot make people think and act the= way we want them to. Each acts from his level of consciousness, stage of development and his present situation and circumstances.

So what could the practice of tapasya of love mean f= or me?

The tapasya of love for m= e means a transformation of the love I feel towards people especially those I love dearly and therefore a shift in my attitude towards human love. It is more difficult to deal with the feelings and emotions that come up in relationsh= ips with loved ones and it is relatively simpler to disconnect with others one = is not attached to. However, whenever I am able to disconnect in disturbing moments, it becomes easier to go within and act from a sort of inner poise.=

I witnessed the lower v= ital intervening and acting as an obstacle to my transformation. The vital sought the collaboration of the mind and had its own preset

13

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

ideas and preferences. I therefore have tried to ado= pt the following attitude in dealing with my feelings and emotions:

§         Recognise a disturbing moment e.g. if someone says something or did something that brought about feelings of hurt and mad= e me upset. I am conscious to recognize this as a disturbing moment.

§         I try to invoke the presence of the Divine by moving within into the inner silence

§         Try to ignore the judgments that the mind tr= ies to impose and not to jump to conclusions and yet if the mind continues to influence negatively, to immediately surrender such a movement before for t= he Mother and aspire for the true light

§         I try to keep an attitude of performing all = my duties without any expectation of return. If I do anything for my family or= for others, it should be with the attitude of selfless self-giving and as a ser= vice to the Divine and not expecting any appreciation or praise in return.

§         Try to keep an attitude that does not to exp= ect others to behave in a certain manner but instead one tries to widen the consciousness to include others view points

§         When a feeling of jealousy or envy comes up,= to immediately try to stop the upsurge of such a feeling, and understand where= it is coming from. I have at times felt jealous because my husband interacted = and worked with other beautiful women. It was a low feeling. On reflection I ha= ve understood that the feeling of jealousy comes from an insecurity in the bei= ng and lack of confidence. This revealed to me that I lacked a total trust and faith in the will of the Divine. Mental reasoning did not help me where jealousy is concerned but it was the cultivation of an unshaking faith in t= he Divine’s will that helped get rid of such a feeling. I, therefore asp= ire to make my faith pure and strong; and the surrender integral.

The austerity of feelings and emotions clearly brings = out that in our relationship with others, we must maintain a

Total, unvarying, constant

= -      =    Ego less kindness

= -      =    Goodwill

      -    Not expect any reward = or gratitude or recognition

No matter how others treat you, not to allow oneself to be carried away by resentment

Make the Divine the sole judge of how he is to protect you and defend you against the misunderstandings and bad will of others

Seek and find help and support in the Divine alone

The divine alone will comfort in all ones sorrows, guide us on the path, l= ift us if we stumble and take us in his strong arms of love and soothing sweetness

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The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

Tapasya of Beauty

The mental and the vital being have a tremendous imp= act on the body or the physical being. There is a distinct relation between them. = When I started to observe my physical being, I understood that it was greatly affected by the vital. An impulse from the vital would spring up and if I indulged in it, the mind would immediately jump in to give its justificatio= ns on how giving in to the impulse was justified.

=

§§ This very thought and action of gi= ving in ruined everything because the routine and regularity broke.

The key I realised was to= maintain a continuity. If on a certain day, I was unable to perform the entire sequence of asana, I could just perform ‘the sun salutation or surya namaskar’[5] a co= uple of times and wind up. This prevented the ‘tamas’ from setting in and the rhythm of doing at least some bit exercise did not break.

When after reading the ‘tapasya or the discipline of beauty’, I reflected on how I cou= ld transform the effect of my vital on the physical being, I made out the following guidelines for myself which were dependent on a change in attitude towards my own self.

I started to look at the practice of asana not for m= yself but for the sake of the Divine I thought to my self, ‘Why does one exercise?’

Is it not to maintain a healthy body that is free fr= om disease. It is only if such a condition of a healthy body can be established and maintained, that we can function and progress on the path of integral y= oga. If I did not take care of this vehicle in the form of body, my progress wou= ld be limited and sooner or later the body may become a handicap in my progres= s. Thus in order to progress constantly I had to take this body with me; a body which is not deteriorating but growing stronger each day. I do aspire to prepare my body for descent of the highest Truth and I know that this would require a lot of preparation on my part.

The key for me for the above lay in:

§15

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

Reflect on:

“One must submit to the austerity of a sensible and regular life, concentrating all one’s physical attention on building a body that comes as close to perfection as possible. To reach this ideal goal, one must strictly shun = all excess and every vice, great or small;” [6]

“ I= t is a recognised fact that in order to progress rapidly, one must not be afra= id of difficulties; on the contrary, by choosing to do the difficult thing at every opportunity, one increases the will-power and strengthens the nerves.”[7]<= /span>

“The all-absorbing interest which nearly all human beings, even the most intellectual, have in food, its preparation and its consumption, should be replaced by an almost chemical knowledge of the needs of the body and a v= ery scientific austerity in satisfying them.”[8]

“ Another austerity must be added to that of food, the austerity of sleep. = It does not consist in going without sleep but in knowing how to sleep. Sleep must not be a fall into unconsciousness which makes the body heavy instea= d of refreshing it. Eating with moderation and abstaining from all excess grea= tly reduces the need to spend many hours in sleep; however the quality of sle= ep is much more important than its quantity.” [9]

§§16

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

=

§§      =    Austerity of work
Being a housewife, the da= ily work in my hands is to look after my family and house. Thus the austerity of work for me would imply doing every bit of work, whether big or small with a wil= l to progress and bringing it as close to perfection as possible. E.g. Even in matters of mere routine cooking, when I am conscious and invoke the presenc= e of the Mother while carrying it out, the end product is almost always perfect = and when consumed, it feels like one is taking prasad

§      =    Patience and perseverance <= /i>

This would be indispensab= le for the practice of the above stated austerities for without it, it would lead = to frustration, impatience and disappointments. The old habits are deep ingrai= ned and it is extremely difficult to unlearn what one has learnt and thus undo = the formed habits. It requires much patience and perseverance.

When one speaks of ‘taming the vital’, I= have observed that a practice of physical exercises greatly helps to calm the vi= tal. Also practicing the austerity of food, sleep and work along with leading a = life of moderation brings about a sense of self-discipline that acts as an aid in the transformation of the vital.

Tapasya Of Knowledge Or Mental Austerity

The mind seems closely co= nnected with the vital. In fact, one of the means of transforming the vital is thro= ugh the agency of the mind i.e. by exercising mental control on it, unless the = mind has become a slave to the vital and its collaborator in false movements.

When I reflect on the phr= ase ‘tapasya of knowledge or mental austerity’ and what it would me= an to me, what comes to mind is a state of silence, stillness and widening of = the consciousness in which truth can descend without any obstruction in the bei= ng.

   &n= bsp;        In the past particularly, when I meditated, I often felt a kind of blockage in= the center of my forehead as though something was obstructing the force from descending into the entire being. Through Ameetadi’s guidance I understood that I needed to try to widen my consciousness. I noticed a narrowness in my thinking and I still do at times stick to one line of thou= ght and fail to appreciate other points of view.

I thus practice the following steps every time I = feel blocked or narrow in my thinking.

§§17

The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

§§LEARNINGS

§
“In social life, in addition to the words that concern material life and occupations, there will be those that express sensation= s, feelings and emotions. Here the habit of outer silence proves a valuable help. For when one is assailed by a wave of sensations or feelings, this habitual silence gives you time to reflect and, if necessary, to regain possession of yourself before projecting the sensation or feeling in word= s. How many quarrels can be avoided in this way; how many times one will be saved from one of those psychological catastrophes which are only too oft= en the result of uncontrolled speech.

Without going to this extreme, one should always control the words one speaks and never allow one’s tongue to be prompted by a movement of anger, violence or temper. It is not only the quarrel that is= bad in its results, but the fact of allowing one’s tongue to be used to project bad vibrations into the atmosphere; for nothing is more contagious than the vibrations of sound, and by giving these movements a chance to express themselves, one perpetuates them in oneself and in others.[10]

“It is alr= eady so difficult to know exactly what is happening in oneself – how can= one know with certainty what is happening in others? So you must totally abst= ain from pronouncing upon anybody one of those final judgments which cannot b= ut be foolish if not spiteful.”[11]

“ Every id= ea contains a little of the truth or one aspect of the truth. But no idea is absolutely true in itself.”[12]=

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The Initiation Of A Jo= urney Towards An Integral Transformation

§§I therefore found a solu= tion through

v     Surrendering the negative thought whe= n it came to my mind to the Mother

v     Refusing to associate with it. I actu= ally speak out loudly to myself saying, “this negative thought is not mine= but coming from outside, the Mother will take care of it.”

v     Praying to the Mother for protection particularly for the person for whom the negat= ive thought was directed.

I am able to deal with my negative thoughts in a better way now and they are less disturbing because I have established a faith in the Mother’s protection and will.

§
“When a thought is expressed in speech, the vibration of the sound has a considerable power to bring the most material substance into contact with= the thought, thus giving it a concrete and effective reality. That is why one must never speak ill of people or things or say things which go against t= he progress of the divine realisation in the world.”[13]

Course: Foun= dation Course For Facilitators

Student: Pun= eeta Singh

Contents

Reflections

Puneeta Singh

Garden of Light

Puneeta Singh

The Mother’s Glory

Appendices

The Initiation Of A Journey Towards An Integral Transformation

Appendix 1

=

Transformation Of= The Vital

Something To Reflect on:

Appendix 3

A Dream

Appendix 4

Vital Difficulty – ANGER

A Facilitation

Difficulties- A help for realisation

"An= ger is a violent reaction of the vital to some shock that is unpleasant to it;&quo= t;